Messy house mantra: Let’s be 35 about this.

A few months ago, we went to visit my in-laws in Thousand Oaks. Whenever we’re there, we relish in the clean everything, the stocked fridge, and the backyard my father-in-law could stage for Better Homes and Gardens. We take naps on the swing, watch Will play catch on the grass, enjoy everything my mother-in-law cooks, and eat way too many tin pancakes. And, they run the air conditioning like they get paid to do it, which at this time of the year is the equivalent to streets of gold. We love it.

We drove back to our house and instantly I felt like the walls were closing in. 

We live in a duplex two miles from the ocean. We’ve got a backyard. But no garage and hardly any cross breeze. We also have a baby, which means the ratio between human and plastic gear is something like 1:25. Stuff is everywhere, in all of our spaces, all of the time. 

I started to get cranky and irritated at everyone for no reason except that I felt like everything was crowding in on us. 

And I thought, I have been here before. This is deja vu, this is the cyclical argument I’ve had in my head since we decided to move to South Orange County, the Land of Expensive Housing. 

And I was annoyed. With myself. For the repetitive nature of my annoyance. 

I took a deep breath and said, Okay. Let’s be 35 about this.

Cue the calming Enya soundtrack. I’m growing up. 

Seriously, though, this little phrase has changed me. I look at my son when he throws a fit, and I think, I get you! I totally get you! I want things that I can’t have and I have the SAME FEELING! Except that I’m not four and I cannot sit on the floor in the kitchen and cry about it. (Neither can he. We’re working on this, obv.) So I decided that instead of complaining about the situation I cannot change, let me be 35 about this. And by that I mean:

• I’ve learned this lesson before. I should flex the muscles I grew from that last time I went down this proverbial path.  

• If I’ve learned this before, then I also know it will go away. Life moves and changes so much that I can’t make sweeping claims about things that bother me because, like everything, seasons and problems change. 

• You know how parents say things like “Please don’t throw ____ at your brother,” and “Please sit down while you’re eating dinner,” and “No you can’t watch another show,” every single day and it kind of makes you go crazy?? Well, I was doing the same thing to MYSELF! And also my husband and closest friends. So annoying I just have to stop it.

• I’m 35! Not 4, not 18, not 22. I’m a legit mid-30s gal and the truth is, this age makes it sound like I should have some things figured out. So let’s do it. 

So when the car got towed on a hot summer day while Kasey was at camp? Let’s be 35 about this. Call the tow truck, call the dealership, and pay whatever they charge you because you work full time and you’re 35 so you can figure this out without dialing 911.

When you’re rocking a crying baby in a stuffy room and your four year old is yelling for your attention in the kitchen, let’s be 35 about this. Though it feels like this will indeed be for all of eternity and Jesus has already returned without you knowing, the children will eventually go to sleep, if even for a few hours, and you will be able to breathe and go to the bathroom and stuff your face with dinner at 9 p.m.

When your house feels like it’s closing in and stuff is everywhere, let’s be 35 about this. Run around the house with four garbage bags and fill it with anything and everything that doesn’t bring you joy or the slightest bit of positive emotion. Stuff it in your car and drive immediately to Goodwill so that your husband and son don’t start to mourn what you took from their closets. Because also, you’re 35 and you know better than they do. 

Stressful email from work? Let’s be 35 about this. Delete. If a response is legitimately needed, wait a day and write something brief.

Juggling too much and missed a deadline/birthday party/dentist appointment? Let’s be 35 about this. Make like Queen Elsa and let it go. 

Are the next few months of your calendar riddled with commitments? Let’s be 35 about this. Give advance notice, say you cannot attend, and be done. No apologizing or excusing. Just own the boundary and fill that space with rest or the beach. Or both.

Totally normal busy day with kids and work and groceries and laundry? Let’s be 35 about this:

This is the good stuff, the moments we don’t want to rush through. These are the good old days, and I don’t want to miss them because I’m tired or annoyed. Someday I will long to be annoyed by the noise from my sons and the clutter in my kitchen. For now, I’ll be 35 about this and welcome every part of this stage of life. I don’t want to miss it or wish it were easier. I want to live like I know I’m in the good ol’ days. Grateful, grateful, grateful. 

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